Let's move on...

Seriously,

I have too many cravings...

Taiwan trip itself will cost me a bomb,

& now,

I want

a new camera

to go phuket, bangkok

lash extension

dying my hair

cut my fridge

goes thai massage

go do some care for my nails...

oops...

too many....

&

pay is still not here yet =(

Today marked the 4 months anniversary of us!

I am glad to have you in my life.

It's been a long time since I last blogged.

Went to hongkong recently with BB zai.Not really that enjoying because we lose money and were living like poor at there.

I had cut down clubbing because bb zai don't like and will get super anxious when I go clubbing even he says he will still let me go because I likes to club

Yesterday, I saw momoren at bus stop with his girlfriend.I just take a seat and pretend I never see him.It's not nice to go up and say hi since her girlfriend is around and pretend nothing happen before.Although it is past and I have BB, but I think I shouldn't make both of us such embarrassed since we don't even contact each other.

Today, just back from sending my brother to tekong.It has been a long time since my family go out together as one big whole.

I am so tire now...need to doze off...night shift..

My sweetest revenge is to live better than in past.
& proven;
with happy stamp on it.
I really love when you walked me home, holding my hands.
Though we joked all the way,
serious all the way sometimes.
I felt that moment is the best.

Does my past bothers you alot?
I can't change it.
If I have to die now, I think I don't have much regrets.
Maybe one or two...but not much.
Because all these past memories strengthen me to be a stronger person.

Why do I feel abit relief when he told me that he already confessed to his girlfriend that he had already fall in love with another girl?
I am worried about him but my heart just feel so happy about it...
Sometimes, I just feel that I am such a bitch...
Oh my god!
Shall face the wall and repent on own mistakes...

I am contented.
To be with you... in the dark.
I believe what you say...because you haven't lie to me at all.
Even as a friend,
I don't mind.
Because it's hard to be with someone you love and he loves you, cherishes you every moment, every second.

You said you want to woo me.
But you don't message, call me.
Is not that I wanted you to sms me every second, every minute what you did.
But, when you are free,
just drop me a missing me message will brighten my day.
But...what can I do?
I consult my guy friend.
He said this too.
Not putting high hopes but still fear of disappointment.
Don't like people to lie or cheat me.
*******************************
What's the most memorable stuff in 2009?
To meet that guy that I fall deeply into.
Even we are not together.
I will still want you to be good even without me.

Feeling so happy that you said you are not interested in other girls after meeting me.
But will it last?
But...I am happy...so who cares will it last...

Today, I just feel so much better.
I don't miss my monster so much as yesterday.Even there is, I am no longer feeling sad.
Maybe it's an enlightenment after being console by my smoking khaki.
I was analying why it turn out like that.
One conclusion is
because that day when I really break down, I told you that you are not the first person that I want to see immediately.
Eventually, it lead to lose of confident, trust...which is so much so much needed in a relationship.
I believe that day when you say you wanted to woo me is real.
I believe...because if you are not, you won't message me to prove how important I am to you(at that point of time) when I said give up on me, stop fooling me.
The paper heart you gave to me is still in my chanel wallet.
Well, the most ugly heart I received but seem like it's the more precious.
Anyway,
I prefer to be that 傻傻的默默靜靜地想念某某人。
Even if he has a girlfriend, but I still want to miss him because he is the one that I loves the most.
Monster is like the pirated version of him.
某某人's birthday is june 9th and his on june 7th.
Both of them know how to style.(The most important thing that I am so crazy about).
Both of them has sense of humour.
Both of them are like big flirt.
Both of them called me baby.
Both of them have thick thick eyebrow.
Both of them do not start a relationship with me.
Both of them first saw me is like out of the sudden.
But monster is much more skinny.
Monster has tattoo.
Monster is more hairy.
Monster smoke winston.
Monster is from melayu country.
某某人,
didn't mind I have boyfriend.
always talked to me until wee hours.
smoke marlbolo medium.
always piggyback me from his voiddeck to his house.
look most sexy in his singlet.
way of waking up me is so heart-warming.
didn't mind about my past.
his zara cardi is the most comfortable.
will let me sit on his lap while he use his computer and I just stare and admire him.
Hmm...
actually, I don't hate both of them.
Because it's 某某人 taught me how to love someone deeply even if he doesn't have a future with you.
Monster...
we are trying things out.
Maybe we are just two lonely creatures on earth that just need each other accompany.
But I do have feeling for him...
if not I won't cry for him for two nights and my eyes are so swollen.
hai~
Enough of the craps.I am a FB addict, need to use FB now.
Tomorrow I am morning shift...need to wake up the time when people finish partying.
hai~
Now, I already started to feel sleepy...but if I sleep now, I can't sleep later.
hai~

If you bother,
you will at least call or message me once in a day.
you will not give me empty promise.
you will not push me away.

you will know this blog do exists.

you will know

I wanted to say

I miss JXXXX XXH

but you never know

because you are not putting enough effort.

cough*cough*cough*
I don't know why.
I already stay at home the whole day but my dad just came back home and shaked his head.
Everything seem too good to be real.
I am scared it's just my silly thoughts.
Anyway, I am so so so happppyyy to get my chanel wallet!

I shall not let emo-ness as an excuse to touch cigarette.
Why I started in the first place?
Because I want to get closer to you emotionally.
Yes, you attracted me to have the urge to smoke.
Even you left long ago.
KPP said I am very brave to love someone who no longer love me.
Jiemei said I am stupid.
But the truth is,
I really enjoy loving you, from a small position.
So, no more cigarette but ice cream and lemon slice.
I shall do housework to kill boredom.
Today I surf the net for afternoon.
Then I went to sleep.
& I woke up,
The problem still existes,
no sense of accomplishment.
Hai~~
I shall not let clubbing to be a solution to kill stress.
Clubbing should be happy but not sad as a result.
I shall excerise to kill all stress.

Went to extend my tattoo in JB.Now, it's not as plain as what it is as before.
Many people asked whether is it painful.
But the real pain is not physically.
The real pain is emotionally, mentally.

My heart is aching.
You can't replace him.
So ya...

Have you move out of my heart?
But
Did I ever move into yours before?

Somehow,
I miss the feeling that someone will come and fetch me when I come back.
Muhahah...
no offence!

Your hand,
consoling the insecure soul of mine.
But what I need is not your sympathay,
Don't make me misunderstand...